It’s the end of the year and also the end of my college application process. Naturally, this is a time for reflection, and today I want to discuss the way I decided to involve my parents and how they were able to help me throughout my college process.

I’ve read online posts from kids complaining about parents on both ends of the spectrum: those who don’t offer any help to their kids and don’t care about college at all, as well as those who are overbearing and know their kid’s application portal logins and have the mindset of “top schools or bust.” On the flipside, I also know kids who decided to not involve their parents at all and took all of the stress upon themselves. I wanted to avoid both extremes, so from the beginning I was clear with my parents. I told them that I would be completely transparent with my communication as long as they agreed to respect that it was ultimately my process and my decision.

As a result, in July my parents and I had our first ever “family college meeting.” The three of us sat down and I filled them in on what I had been working on so far – at that point, pretty much all I had was a small list of potential schools I was considering. Then, after my report, I allowed my parents to give their input as well as ask any questions that they had. This meeting had two purposes: first, it opened a line of communication between us. They knew what I was working on, and I knew their thoughts on whatever stage we were at. Second, it allowed me to answer their questions and clear up any misconceptions. For example, one of their early worries was that I wouldn’t be able to use my ACT because I took it my sophomore year, but I quickly cleared that up and told them it was allowed.

After that first meeting, we decided to continue that style of meeting, holding it every weekend. Generally, I would work on college apps during the week, and then on the weekend I would present what I’d done, take questions and feedback from my parents, and then continue on. I’d also only submit finished applications at these meetings (as opposed to on my own), giving my parents a chance to read over my essays before submitting. I didn’t let them make changes at this point – in fact, I didn’t let anyone edit my supplemental essays – but I wanted them to have an idea of what I was writing so they could stay in the loop.

All in all, we held 17 family meetings from the start of the process to the end. These meetings helped me build my college list in the summer. They helped me go through multiple drafts of my personal statement. They helped me as I wrote and submitted supplemental essays. They helped me deal with letters of recommendation, late transcripts, and counseling office issues.

Through these meetings, I truly feel like my parents have my back. I’m firm when I need to be and I certainly don’t let them make choices for me, but I do take their opinions seriously and try to see where they’re coming from. I’m able to have space to work on my apps and shape them into authentic pieces that reflect who I am, while having a time to share my work with my parents.

I know it’s a stereotype that Asian parents are really strict and push for their kids to get into these top prestigious schools. I hope my experience shows that it’s possible to find a balance. My parents still want me to go to a top college, of course, but through these meetings they’ve gotten to understand my perspective as well.

Moving forward, we’ll continue our meetings as my decisions start coming in and we start to sort out financial aid and all that. Overall, having this set time every weekend to reflect and share and learn with my parents has made this entire application process much easier for me – and, I bet, for them as well. Lastly, it’s helped me disconnect: because we have this time to talk about college, we don’t need to talk about it any other time. This way college doesn’t become a constant obsession – instead, it’s channeled into these one hour meetings each weekend.